Now I lay me down to sleep, my hands trace my body the way you did the other night. I stay in anticipation because I don’t know when you’ll return. Always vigilant I try to keep my sins forgiven hoping that maybe, just maybe you’d encourage me to kiss you and then cum all over your dick. When I don’t turn on the news or buy into my Facebook feed then I remember all the righteous beauty; I remember all of your chocolate goodness, the roundness of your muscles and how all of them make me excited. When I don’t turn on the news or buy into my Facebook feed I don’t see all of ‘god’s children’ wreaking havoc. Continue reading
I’d like to explain how it feels.
…Afterwards, I can feel my muscles tearing…But it’s not always inside. Usually it’s right at the opening, so that when I sit or when I squat down to pick something up–it’s there again, like you’re there again. And after a day it’s not uncomfortable anymore it’s just arousing. The parts I like the most are sometimes the parts they don’t see or know about. Last night washing the dishes, flashbacks sometimes make me take a seat. The blood rushed to my clitoris too quickly for me to react so I broke another glass in the sink and I ran to my room. My roommate says, “yo, what happened, you okay?” I mutter, I have to stroke it right now until I come so that it isn’t swollen anymore, so I can focus on a single task Continue reading
I fantasize about you when I ride the train. While I edit video, I imagine it’s your fingers scrolling up and down my mouse and I can put my hands on yours. I want to be where you want to be. I fantasize about you when I hear music. I fantasize about you in silence. I was thinking that maybe I oughta tell you. I was thinking maybe you do too. I was thinking maybe you don’t– but see I’m still thinking of you.
I want to arrive where you are. I want to create you right now, here, in front of me. I want your smile again–that. Those eyes dance in mine, and you’re sweet with me, and you laugh real hardy, and you kiss so deeply, and it makes my life brighter, and it makes my heart sing, and it makes my toes dance, and it reminds me how love used to feel, and it makes me laugh, and it makes me sleepy, and it makes you feel like home. Negro–fuerte, carinoso, apasionado, soprendento, debilitante, overwhelming, beautiful, smart, perfect. I want to breathe you in and leave you there so you can circulate around bloodstream–I am lucky to know you. You are extraordinary. You are like the rain, nourishing everything you touch.
I know I shouldn’t but I wish it was me instead. Although I don’t like the word “shouldn’t.” So how’s this: I just want you any way that I can have you. For now, it will suffice.
There’s nothing like a yeast infection to remind you how shitty everything in the world is. But a real friend doesn’t judge you when you take the day off work, cancel your meditation classes, lay up naked on the couch spread eagle with yogurt dripping all over your vulva and your breath smelling like garlic cuz you slept with it in your coochie–it take a down ass bitch to still be your friend after seeing that. Continue reading
So there’s this thing about writing down what you want, having one-pointedness about its manifestation and then coming into its experience. I’ve only done it for a few things, and I watch the universe work in bringing to me exactly what I wanted. I don’t know why I or anyone else would assume things to be different in love–I expect that they aren’t…so they’ll likely not be. Fundamentally though, I’m sure it’s tied to the foolishness of ego–like not feeling worthy or deserving enough. Fuck all dat–here’s my list–you should make one too. I invite someone to me who:
When they see the ocean can’t help but strip off their clothes and jump in Continue reading
I’ve tried over and over again to be sad but I can’t be cuz there’s just too much love inside. I used to be good at it and then I learned, over time, that happiness was a choice and that joy and peace followed soon after that. I tried over and over to have some sort of pity for myself but I can’t because all of nature keeps speaking to me. When I try to ignore it, it comes into my dreams; when I try to summon thoughts of melancholy, longing and desire–all familiar to my ego–my authentic self reminds me how foolish I’m behaving and I laugh at myself.
You see because all is love. It never leaves–it never goes anywhere, it just expands and engulfs all around me, all I have to do is open my eyes and open my heart and there it is. Longing for me is always futile and in my life of seemingly endless lovers, of beautiful men caressing new parts, I’m reminded of all that is magnificent in the world.
When I feel disconnected all that is left is to go inside. Everything and everyone in the world will say it’s ridiculous and it doesn’t make sense–but only you can know for yourself and only you can choose for yourself. It isn’t just higher awareness–it is an absolute and perfect synchronization with all that is and ever was–it is profound–it is not determined by your life’s circumstances, it never changes and it’s true that everything you see begins to change and take on a different meaning–that meaning will give you life, healing and an invitation to magic and possibility that you’d never dream possible. But if you never put your thoughts on the impossible…there is no chance of it happening.
Just ask and then let it go…