1. Mike knows a lot about a lot of things. Stuff like horny monkey species,  Japanese movies and their directors, different names for vaginas spanning centuries (ones like “The Mouth, thankless”). I, on the other hand, just know a little about a lot of things.

 2. Mike speaks, or at least knows some French. Unlike me, who until I was like seventeen years old pronounced hors d’oeurve: whores de ovary (that’s not even a joke).

3. Mike is intelligent enough to be condescending–so you can’t get too annoyed at him. He’s so smart that sometimes I don’t even know he’s being condescending. 

4. He can read a watch better than I do, so he’s not as late as I am (this is only true in New York City).

4. I’ll be you 20 bucks he could pick out the typo in this line.

6. Mike understands how laws are passed so when I say stuff like, “it’s been passed! OMG they passed that law? It’s the end of the world, what is America coming to–we gotta get those fat ole’ conservative white men outta office!” He replies, “But it hasn’t been ratified.” And I say, “O, wow! Don’t scare me like that.” And he says, “You have your terms confused.” And I’m like uh.

7. Mike has only made one typo in all the emails he’s sent thus far–that I can see. And he’s so smart that he’ll probably leave me a comment on this post about the real number of typos he’s left because he just went through his sent box to check. (And I’m supposed to be an “editor.”)

8. He’s so smart that he cannot physically let mispronunciation or wrong word-usage slip from someone he’s talking to. I mean he doesn’t even think about it, the correction just comes out–like on Microsoft word after you turn the auto-correct button to off, the stupid little light bulb still pops up when you make a mistake.

Oh yea, and he’s cute as a button but that has nothing to do with his being smart.